by Karen Alexander, Sunshima guest blog writer
We all tend to have expectations of how our life will be, such as the house we will live in, the job we will have and the kind of person who we’ll share our life with. However, the best laid plans can still go awry, unexpected circumstances can cause diversions such as a global pandemic. What can you do when things turn out different from what you had imagined?
Feel the Grief
Whenever something you worked towards and been excited about changes or doesn’t happen, it is only natural to grieve what would have been. Allow yourself to feel this grief, you are not being indulgent and taking time to think through your loss, may help you accept the change and feel less anxious about being excited for future events.
Let it go
We can all be guilty of holding on to the past, I know I certainly am. Rehashing what could have been and where you think it went wrong can be exhausting. You cannot change the past! In the long run it is more productive to accept the current situation and work from there. Practicing deep breathing and meditation are good ways to be in the now. And while letting go is not easy, in the end it’ll be more positive for your wellbeing.
Don’t Assume the Worst
The world is not going to end and your life is not heading towards a downward spiral. True your plans have not gone the way you wanted but that does not mean that you should now worry about all the other possible bad outcomes or that the worst is yet to come. Sometimes you gain more from the unexpected such as realising you are in the wrong career!
Forgive Yourself
We often blame ourselves when things don’t go our way. Surely there is something we could have done better or not have got wrong. But where does this lead? You feel awful and your self-esteem takes a bashing. Instead give yourself some love, nobody is perfect including you. Make peace with your mistakes, learn from them and move on!
You are not Alone
Often family and friends may also be affected by your changed plans. So talk to those who you feel will be supportive. It will release tension to share your emotions and you may find they have had a similar experience and can relate to how you feel. Just realising that you don’t have to carry this burden on your own should bring some relief.
Find joy in the future
Sometimes things change because they really were not working in the first place. There can be joy in making a different plan and making alterations so that you are happier. Equipped with what you have learnt, you can make new decisions and look forward to the future.
It can be difficult when things and plans change, however all things pass and life keeps on moving. Try to be true to yourself and enjoy the ride!!