by Lauren Hodges, Sunshima blog writer
Any life is a life of change. You cannot be alive and be the same, do the same, feel the same, act the same, see the same, every single day. That is not the reality of the world that we live in.
A majority of people spend their lives trying to steer clear of change in any way, shape, or form. What they eventually come to learn, is that change is inevitable. At some point, you will stop running and it will catch up to you in the form of a career change, location change, the ending of a relationship, a physical change, etc. This is not something that should be feared but embraced. Before we get into the methods of how you can better prepare for and deal with change, let’s talk a little more about the fear behind change itself.
Change can come in small pieces or enormous chunks, but it is inevitable, and outside our control. The funny thing is, the underlying fear here is often not even a fear of change at all, it’s a fear of the unknown, more specifically a fear of loss or damage and a desire to maintain control. It is a question of “what will happen when this change occurs”. The change itself is simply the event, we fear the uncertainty, not knowing what could happen and focus on the negative aspects rather than the positives. So, how do you handle that fear when it arises? What are some things we can all do to help us feel at ease when a potential significant change is on the horizon?
First and foremost, try to create a more balanced perspective for yourself. Identify the loss that you are afraid of and ask how important it is to you. Are you sure it will happen? Can you see a way to deal with it if it does happen? Then consider the benefits and opportunities this change may also bring. Are you willing to take the good with the bad? Everything has pros and cons and it is not healthy or helpful to focus only on the negatives.
As you strive to view change with a more positive mindset, here are some of the most effective ways that you can prepare yourself for those large changes and how to handle them should they come up (or even if these changes are happening to you right now!).
- Check the facts: A common grey area for many people is when something happens to us, our feelings become mixed in with the facts of the event. Take a step back and look at the situation as if you were an outsider, state out loud what you know, not what you think or feel.
- Practice calming techniques including meditation, breath work, physical exercise, self-soothing touch, listening to calming music, etc.
- Practice acceptance. Practice this daily, even with changes that you don’t feel threatened by. Tell yourself that you accept the change of xyz and that you do not fear it.
- Talk to people. Nobody should feel bothered by your need to talk about your fear of what is happening or is about to happen. You’re human and sometimes we need to talk about things to release them. Sometimes this is even enough to change our perspective!
Change is inevitable and will happen with or without your permission, but it’s not an event that needs to be feared, controlled, or avoided. In fact, change is a good thing! Change gives us the opportunity to grow as individuals. When you run from change, you run from any opportunity to live your most authentic and fulfilling life, and you don’t want that for yourself. You deserve to embrace change, because change makes you, you!